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Title: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships : What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It by David Niven ISBN: 0-06-052196-1 Publisher: Harper SanFrancisco Pub. Date: 07 January, 2003 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $11.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.5 (8 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Good Book!
Comment: This book shows you how to improve your relationships. Even if you currently have a great relationship-you can still learn a thing or two from this neat little book on how to make it an even better relationship. Easy read. Highly recommended.
Zev Saftlas, Author of Motivation That Works: How to Get Motivated and Stay Motivated
PS here is a sample (Secret number 1)
The Mundane Is Heroic
Some tasks we think of as difficult and their achievement noteworthy. Others we think of as boring and their achievement insignificant. Of course, the tasks that are noteworthy are often built on a foundation of the mundane. Firefighters study lifesaving techniques and firefighting protocols for years on end, and then one day they are called on to use their skills and knowledge to save a building and the people in it. Without the years of mundane commitment, there would be no moment of great achievement. We recognize that having a long-standing healthy relationship is an achievement. If you are married long enough, the local newspaper will take your picture and write up your story. But that achievement is built on a nearly infinite series of actions, including a daily, hourly, moment-to-moment commitment to each other. It is certainly not always easy, and the rewards are not always immediately apparent, but sacrificing your immediate preferences and being committed to sharing, caring, and listening are mundane but heroic steps toward your lifetime relationship goal.
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Even before they dated, Kathy and William began working out together. Later, after they married, their interest and success in running led them to set a goal of running together in the Boston Marathon. After training for three years together working toward that goal, Kathy's best time qualified her for the race and William's did not.
William could have reacted in a variety of ways, all of them perfectly normal, given human nature. He could have wallowed in self-pity, dragging both himself and his wife down and making her feel somehow guilty for his exclusion. He could have asked Kathy to wait until they could run together. He could have resented his wife's ability to achieve and tried to sabotage her.
"A big part of me wished I was out there running the marathon, of course," admitted William. "So what did I do on race day? I went out to five or six locations and cheered her on." William chose to encourage rather than discourage. "I lived vicariously through her. Her success is my success."
William says that in working out together, as in life together, jealousy, envy, and other unpleasant emotions can visit relationships, but the most important thing to remember is that "we're a team every day -- race day, too. We have to be able to give each other the freedom to be able to develop our own talents. To not stand in each other's way, but to stand with each other, helping if we can, watching if we can't."
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The ability to maintain open, healthy communication in a relationship is associated with strong levels of such highly regarded personal qualities as self-restraint, courage, generosity, commitment to justice, and good judgment. --Fowers 2001
Rating: 3
Summary: How to Lie with Statistics
Comment: Many college graduates have read the book, How to Lie with Statistics. One has to be extremely careful about writing a book based on "case studies."
While I would believe that 90% of this book is accurate, several of the "secrets" are down right wrong. Sure, you can create any case study to prove your point or even find 100 people somewhere to support your opinion even if you think the moon really is made out of blue cheese.
I book I read a couple of years ago had better and more honest "secrets." I think you can still get it at 50secrets. com -- it is called 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships.
Get both and evaluate them yourself.
Rating: 3
Summary: For Heterosexuals Only?
Comment: This book might be better titled: 100 Simple Secrets for Great Heterosexual Relationships, as the author only uses he/she and mostly husband/wife examples throughout. If this book is exclusively for heteros only, say so. If not, and the 100 simple secrets can apply to any great love relationship regardless of the gender mix, be more inclusive and use some he/he and she/she examples. It makes the book more relevant and accessible to a wider audience. However, if it in fact is meant only for an exclusive audience of legally marrieds or about-to-be's, then say so so that other groups of lovers in love can save their money and time, and find their simple secrets elsewhere.
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