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Title: Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience by Betty Jean Lifton ISBN: 0-06-097132-0 Publisher: Perennial Pub. Date: 01 January, 1988 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.36 (11 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: A must-read for adoptees who are searching/reunited
Comment: Most Triadians (adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents) know that BJ Lifton is one of the definitive voices on adoption issues, and this book is one of my personal favorites of hers. If you buy no other search/reunion book, this is the one to have IMO.
I began my search for my birthmother in 1986, locating her finally in 1997. "Lost and Found" in particular helped me to deal with a lot of the issues that come up while searching, AND once you are reunited. There are even chapters on birthfathers and on siblings, something most books fail to mention or deal with.
It is important for those who decide to search to carefully consider their reasons for searching, and also to think about what their expectations are. If you are not prepared for the possibility of "anything can happen", you may be highly dissapointed or even devasted by the results.
I am glad that I chose to search, it has made my life complete in a way that wouldn't have been possible before I had the answers to my questions about where I came from, and who "my people" were. Though my reunion has had some major ups and downs, I don't regret my decision and I thank BJ Lifton for her insights that helped me get through the entire process.
~Reunited adoptee and adoptee rights activist Still ISO birthfather
Rating: 5
Summary: A straight forward book on adoption.
Comment: As an adoptee, there are many questions and emotions that one is often too scared to ask or express. Lifton goes beyond the "taboo" of adoption in this book not only with her own experiences, but also the experiences of others. In "Lost and Found", all aspects of adoption are discussed, from all views (adoptee, adoptive parent, birthparent). Reading this helped me understand my own feelings, and to better understand the feelings of my parents, and my birth mother.
Rating: 2
Summary: Adoption for the Current Generation
Comment: I read most of this book in one night - not because it was amazing but because it made me angry. The author creates a portrate of adopted children through sweeping generalization that would have you believe they are all damaged goods. How do I know this is not true? Because I'm adopted too.
I found the experiences in this book were from a different generation - one where adoption was a stigma to hide. Most of the experiences and focuse around lies told to children and the effects of a culture that viewed adoption as a dark secret. How wouldn't a child be damaged in a system like that! This is a book, written in 1979, is for a different generation of adopted children. It does not necessary reflect adoptions today, or those of my generation. If I were a potential parent looking to adopt today, this book would leave me hollow.
Not to say this book is without some saving graces for the adopted. For those who parents misguiding lied to them, or who grew up when adoption was still a stigma, for those who are seeking or who have bee sought out this could be an excellent resource.
I don't speak for all adopted children but I think the current generation is given more information and is supported in a variety of ways. It is not an easy path for any of the people involved, there are still legal battles as well as personal ones to be fought and won. I suggest seeking out other materials that are more helpful - such as Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew.
Each of us has scars, adopted or not. It is up to us to find ways to recognize them and to heal. For some that means moving past an old life, for others it means finding it.
To the adopted, their families, and those who may one day be part of the adoption triad there is so much more than this book covers. So much more happiness and love that is possible.
Good luck in your search.
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Title: Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness by Betty Jean Lifton ISBN: 0465036759 Publisher: Basic Books Pub. Date: 01 May, 1995 List Price(USD): $18.95 |
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Title: The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Verrier ISBN: 0963648004 Publisher: Nancy Verrier Pub. Date: 01 April, 1993 List Price(USD): $15.00 |
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Title: Adoption Healing ...a path to recovery by Joe Soll ISBN: 0967839009 Publisher: Liturgical Press Pub. Date: 20 March, 2000 List Price(USD): $17.95 |
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Title: Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schechter, Robin Marantz Henig ISBN: 0385414269 Publisher: Anchor Pub. Date: 01 April, 1993 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Birthright: The Guide to Search and Reunion for Adoptees, Birthparents, and Adoptive Parents by Jean A.S. Strauss ISBN: 0140512950 Publisher: Penguin Books Pub. Date: 01 June, 1994 List Price(USD): $21.00 |
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