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Title: Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons ISBN: 0-15-602734-8 Publisher: Harvest Books Pub. Date: 01 April, 2003 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.14 (63 reviews)
Rating: 4
Summary: It's about time!!!
Comment: I was never targeted in school, but both my sisters were. They've grown up to be covert bullies as a result. I guess they decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I've worked in offices with GROWN WOMEN who are displaying this emotional adolescent social dynamic. It's very disturbing because as much as I'd like to enjoy the company of women, I feel deeply distrustful of them. I think this book did a fine job of presenting this subject, except the author could have gone more into the fact that some girls never grow up and persist with this cliquish nightmare well into their 30's and 40's. I think, since the woman's movement is still relatively young, this is a transitional stage and soon, like artists, even traditional conservative women will bravely face the challenge to grow up and behave like evolved human adults instead of mean little schoolyard bullies. I wish I'd had this book to read long ago-it explained so much that no one talks about because of how invisible and insidious this behavior is. It's the victim that gets called bitter, oversensitive, and crazy. I hope every woman reads this so they won't role model this method of venting their aggressions to another generation of girls.
Rating: 5
Summary: A must for parents and educators
Comment: Rachel Simmons has given a tremendous gift to the field of child development. So many books on interpersonal relationships among children now center on the topic of teenage sexuality but many behavior patterns of power and control begin much earlier in the pre-teen years. "Odd Girl Out" concentrates on the power dynamics of young girls (pre-puberty) and how a lack of vigilance among educators and parents can amplify or worsen girl bullying.
Since I work among teenagers, I immediately realized the importance of reading this book - the types of behavior Simmons describes in young girls continues to be played out among teen girls (i.e., making outsiders "pariahs" or spreading rumors continue to be ways of asserting power and controlling behavior). If schools and parents could begin talking about this behavior when girls are young, children could learn to change their behavior and make responsible decisions about peer relationships later in life.
"Odd Girl Out" is well-written, filled with examples (and be warned that many will give you flashbacks to your own childhood), and offers excellent suggestions for managing this behavior among bullies and their victims. Several valuable resources are referred to for thos interested. Highly recommended.
Rating: 5
Summary: Odd Girl Out
Comment: If you've ever been left out or hurt by a close friend, then this is the book to read. Many girls believe they are the only ones who have been put through torture from their close friends, or girls at school; after reading this book, they will realize they are not alone.
This book is one of few that girls will say, "That happened to me!" The way the author Rachel Simmons incorporates interviews, stories, facts, and opinions on how society effects girls' behaviors, keeps the reader interested all through out the book.
This book is not only for women who can relate to the hardships, but also for everyone who wants to learn a little about the way women work.
The author recognizes that every girl has been on each side of passive aggressive disputes. She tells stories about her troubles has a girl growing up and then stories of older women who have grown to learn from their experiences. Not all of the women pick up the same things from their childhood, but most don't realize or regret the way they treated other girls because they think the other one deserved it.
Simmons goes around different schools all over the country to see how people's way of life effect the way they that deal with their problems. Over all most of the girls deal with the problems the same because the same pressures are all over in the United States.
Towards the middle of the book, Simmons decides to write more stories from different girls at different times. Some of the girls are women now and they have sent an e-mail of their story and others are interviewed in person. It was easier for the women to tell their stories because they have learned from them and have gotten over them. But the girls that are in their teens and have recent stories seem to have to tell their stories in secret. Simmons makes it clear that a lot of the girls are uncomfortable at the beginning of the interview because they're not sure if they should be telling the stories. It seems like they're telling on their friends and making them seem like bad people.
It is a strange thing to see these girls wanting to still be friends with the ones that have hurt them, so they try and put it behind them. This issue is brought up in the recent movie "Mean Girls" when one of the girls is being mistreated and neglected by her "best friend", she tries even harder to become friends with the girl who is mistreating her.
One other case of stories and opinions is when Simmons goes to elementary and middle schools and has classes with groups of girls. In her first few sessions, she didn't know how to have the girls open up about the subject because a lot of them were cautious about what they said in front of other girls at their school. But once Simmons broke into their clique world, the girls started to open up and more conversations stared to happen about how girls felt when they were being mistreated and how they feel they are supposed to act.
I myself have had experiences that I wish I could have shared amongst a group of girls, but I never had the chance to have an open discussion at school about it. The only time the subject arose was in my Women's Issues Workshop class. Not only did the class talk about cliques, but also we talked about the pressures outside of girls that make us feel we have to act a certain way. This is also what a big section of the book was about. Once Simmons brings the reader into the inner working of cliques and the way girls handle their situations, she gets into the pressures of society and the two images that women are supposed to live up to.
There is the one image that women are supposed to be passive, delicate, and pure. But then there is the image that we are supposed to be stronger and able to survive in the world of men, opinionated, independent, and aggressive all at the same time. The first image is an older model of a woman, and the second is a modern version, and girls don't know which one to follow. So they try not to show any aggressiveness in public because it isn't acceptable for women to be physically aggressive, so they have to find other ways to let out their aggression.
Over all I really enjoyed reading this book because it helped me understand more about what girls were going through and how I could help other friends if they were going through the same problems.
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Title: Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence by Rosalind Wiseman ISBN: 1400047927 Publisher: Three Rivers Press Pub. Date: 04 March, 2003 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Odd Girl Speaks Out: Girls Write about Bullies, Cliques, Popularity, and Jealousy by Rachel Simmons ISBN: 0156028158 Publisher: Harvest Books Pub. Date: 19 January, 2004 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
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Title: Best Friends, Worst Enemies : Understanding the Social Lives of Children by Michael Thompson, CATHE O'NEILL-GRACE, Lawrence J. Cohen, Catherine O'Neill Grace ISBN: 034544289X Publisher: Ballantine Books Pub. Date: 30 July, 2002 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Reviving Ophelia : Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher ISBN: 0345392825 Publisher: Ballantine Books Pub. Date: 14 February, 1995 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control by JULIA DEVILLERS ISBN: 0761563636 Publisher: Three Rivers Press Pub. Date: 27 August, 2002 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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