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Title: The Difficult Child : Expanded and Revised Edition by Stanley Turecki, Leslie Tonner ISBN: 0-553-38036-2 Publisher: Bantam Pub. Date: 14 March, 2000 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.35 (23 reviews)
Rating: 3
Summary: Difficult Behavior or Difficult Child?
Comment: I purchased this book after I received a call from the administration at my child's daycare requesting a parent teacher conference due to my 2 and a half year olds behavior. I read the book attentively but found that according to the author's definitions of a difficult child, there is not one child I have met who is not difficult. In addition, I found the title of the book disturbing. Not exactly the type of book to carry around in your purse for a quick read at the park while your child is using the swings. Not only that, but the label "difficult child" is rather disconcerting to the children that are indeed "difficult". I much prefer the book 1-2-3 Magic over this one because it addresses difficult behavior rather than difficult children. In addition, a difficult baby does not always mean a difficult child and vice versa as the author contends. If you're looking to catagorize your child as inherently difficult, than this is the book for you as all children will find a place in it. If you're looking to manage difficult behavior, I don't know if the strategies described by the author are necessarily the most effective.
Rating: 2
Summary: Easy answers to hard questions
Comment: This book would be a useful resource for any parent planning to run a residential school for troubled children, because many of the suggested solutions would fit that paradigm.
The chapters discussing temperment, fit, and how we feed into our childrens' behavior might be useful for a parent at the end of their rope or one simply curious about their child.
Before you think that Dr. Turecki has solutions for your particular situation, be very sure that you want to define what behaviors you want to see from your child, craft a plan to reward based on those behaviors, and then follow through with consequences you make up. Sounds like regular parenting? Nope. It's based on a token economy model -- just like your local mental hospital!
There are good ways to relate to difficult children. Reading other books on the subject, making connections to good parents who will let you vent and give experience-based advice, and taking lots of deep breaths would probably be time better spent than in the company of these authors.
Rating: 5
Summary: Temperamental Difficulties
Comment: The Difficult Child is a self-help book for the parents of children with difficult temperaments. While all children have characteristic behavioral quirks, temperaments are so deep-seated that they manifest in infancy and are usually retained for a lifetime. Since temperaments can be inherited, they are probably linked to specific genes. In fact, one behavioral trait -- high activity level -- in mice seems to be associated with a specific gene (along with other characteristics), but such traits have not yet been genetically identified in humans.
This book concentrates on nine particularly difficult temperaments: high activity level, distractibility, high intensity, irregularity, negative persistence, low sensory threshold, initial withdrawal, poor adaptability, and negative mood. A child who exhibits some or all of these temperamental characteristics is usually not the child that the parents expected and therefore can be difficult to handle properly.
High activity level is obviously wearisome for the parents, babysitters and other caretakers. Distractibility is often irritating since the child can't stay with one thing very long. High intensity refers to habitual loudness, which causes its own problems. Irregularity refers to confused circadian rhythms, which means the child is often not ready to eat or sleep at any fixed time. Negative persistence refers to lengthy whines and tantrums, drawing out every disagreement to the point of absurdity. Low sensory threshold refers to physical sensitivity to clothing, noises, colors, tastes and other sensory stimuli, leading to definite likes and dislikes. Initial withdrawal refers to timid reactions at first to new things. Poor adaptability refers to difficultly changing activities, clothing, or even locations. Negative mood refers to grumpiness, showing little or no cheerfulness.
These temperamental types are particularly difficult for parents to understand or manage. At first the parents believe something is wrong with the child, particularly when the child cries at odd times, stays up late, and so forth. When their pediatrician states that nothing is wrong with the child, except maybe a little colic, the parents are mystified when this behavior continues for months and years.
First, these temperaments are normal, although not extremely common. They do not indicate any defect or disease in the baby, just different ways of responding to the world. Once these differences are identified, they can be managed. Moreover, the child can be trained to control these traits to some extent by learning good habits. However, these temperaments are part of the child and so the child would be more comfortable in surroundings where these temperaments are known, expected, and allowed a certain amount of free rein.
Of course, there are various ailments that can produce similar behavior patterns. Some of the more common are touched on within this book. However, the authors assume that you will have already had your child examined by a qualified pediatrician, will continue to take your child for regularly scheduled checkups, and will bring any subsequent problems to his attention. If you always keep him informed, you can let the doctor worry about such things.
Read this book. Even if none of this sounds like your child, read the first chapter of the book; you will learn a lot about your own child, despite their lack of difficult temperament. However, if any of these temperaments fits your child, read the whole book and have your spouse do so also. If nothing else, this book will give you some of the right questions to ask your pediatrician the next time you corner him in his office.
Once you have read this book, you will want to find out more about temperament and human differences. This book is only the first step in the rest of your career as parents. And as grandparents.
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