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Title: Parents Under Siege: Why You Are the Solution, Not the Problem in Your Child's Life by James Garbarino, Claire Bedard ISBN: 0-7432-2383-7 Publisher: Free Press Pub. Date: 01 September, 2002 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.33 (3 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Excellent Book For Parents
Comment: Garbarion and Bedard's book is an excellent resource for parents who find themselves in any type of situation which a child which the talk about in the book.
Another good point about the book is that the authors are among the very few people who have talked to Dylan Klebold's parents(although they're not directly quoted in the book) and that they authors show them the symapthy and compassion that few others have given them.
I think that the main thing that can be taken from this book is that it's not always the parents' fault when a child does something wrong and I wish that society would recognize that.
Rating: 5
Summary: What To Do When Being a Good Parent Isn't Enough
Comment: The authors also wrote the acclaimed book, The Lost Boys. That book came out the day that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold created the massacre at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Later meeting with Dylan's family after Mr. and Mrs. Klebold contacted them, the authors became convinced that Dylan had had good parents. ...
'Anything can happen' is the candid warning of this book. ...
In the 10 percent of the cases where abuse and neglect are not involved in youth crime, the root causes are found in fragile kids (who are susceptible to negative influences), excess reliance on secret lives not perceived by parents and friends, and a peer who has taken the same path (youth violence almost always occurs in at least pairs). Certainly, part of the problem is the 'toxic culture' that encourages youth violence.
The book provides a toolkit of 10 things to employ with your children.
(1) 'You can never do just one thing' to make the situation better.
(2) 'See the world through their eyes.'
(3) 'Spiritual parenting' helps.
(4) Evaluate the cumulative risk your children are subject to.
(5) Understand that resilience varies by child.
(6) Create a map of your child's perceptions of the world.
(7) Detect and measure how much social poisons are influencing your child's perception of the future.
(8) Provide a social compass of character.
(9) Provide social support.
(10) Learn from other cultures. The book has a marvelous example of how Buddhists carefully extracted earthworms before building a new structure so that they would not be harmed.
Perhaps the most brilliant part of the book is the section on how to deal with an 'impossible' child. You are cautioned not to create an 'impossible' child out of a manipulative one by giving in to manipulative anger.
I was fascinated by the sections in the book where polls showed that almost all teenagers thought that they could prepare an arsenal to hold a massacre at school without their parents knowing, and that 60 percent of male and 30 percent of female teenagers have had specific fantasies about killing someone by the time they are 19.
As parents, we have to deal with the dangers that are children face, either from their neighborhoods or from abusive people. The book is filled with frightening examples of youngsters being stalked or abused for months before either the child, the child's friends, or the school let the parents know. When these real risks are not handled, the risk of depression is very high. The risk of violence grows too, as the child comes to feel that their own life may be at risk.
The book goes on to help you use empathy in intelligent ways when the child has a difficult temperament, be a good role model, reduce the emphasis on materialism in your family, and limit access to the violent sides of television, video games, and the Internet.
The end of the book contains a fine list of resources you can draw upon to help you.
No one can inoculate us from more episodes of school violence, but following the advice in this book can help us deal with troubled teenagers with more understanding and compassion. That's the least we can do.
Support those you love in as many ways as you can!
Rating: 3
Summary: Good, But Blinded By Political Correctness
Comment: James Garbarino is one of the leading experts in this area, and he has written a book that is in many ways very useful. Unfortunately, his embrace of politically correct formulas limits both the usefulness and the appeal of this book.
For example, Garbarino suggests that parents show their "strength" by getting their children involved in lobbying efforts on behalf of gun control. This recommendation is unlikely to go over well with the more-than-half of all American households who own guns, and don't appreciate Garbarino's labelling them as aberrant. Many Americans are also unlikely to feel that abandoning the means of protecting their families constitutes a persuasive demonstration of "strength." Garbarino's position on guns flies in the face of a great deal of research, by scholars such as John Lott of Yale and Gary Kleck of Florida State, but he does not even attempt to engage that research, much less refute it.
Similarly, Garbarino apears to have taken Warren Farrell's sardonic advice to authors (pander to women at all costs) thoroughly to heart. He repeatedly gives mothers all possible benefit of the doubt, while coming down hard on fathers. Garbarino also fails to pay sufficient attention to the role that public schools' pathologies play in causing problems among children.
Having said that, this is a useful book with many important insights. What is unfortunate is that Garbarino's embrace of PC culture-war slogans will alienate many people who might benefit from other parts of his work.
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Title: And Words Can Hurt Forever : How to Protect Adolescents from Bullying, Harassment, and Emotional Violence by James Garbarino, Ellen deLara ISBN: 0743228987 Publisher: Free Press Pub. Date: 03 September, 2002 List Price(USD): $25.00 |
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Title: Lost Boys : Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them by James Garbarino ISBN: 0385499329 Publisher: Anchor Pub. Date: 15 August, 2000 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
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Title: Raising Children in a Socially Toxic Environment by James Garbarino ISBN: 0787950424 Publisher: Jossey-Bass Pub. Date: 17 August, 1999 List Price(USD): $16.00 |
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Title: Our Last Best Shot: Guiding Our Children Through Early Adolescence by Laura Sessions Stepp ISBN: 1573228753 Publisher: Riverhead Books Pub. Date: 07 August, 2001 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Children in Danger : Coping with the Consequences of Community Violence by James Garbarino, Nancy Dubrow, Kathleen Kostelny, Carole Pardo ISBN: 0787946540 Publisher: Jossey-Bass Pub. Date: 28 August, 1998 List Price(USD): $27.00 |
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