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Title: Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson ISBN: 0-7657-0331-9 Publisher: Jason Aronson Pub. Date: July, 2002 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $40.00 |
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Average Customer Rating: 4.68 (37 reviews)
Rating: 4
Summary: From another author about BPD
Comment: As the author of "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Back Your Life when Someone You Care About has BPD," I am so pleased that finally we have another book about the effects of BPD behavior on family members. This book is easy to read and packed with information that you need to know if you had a mother with BPD traits. I spoke with the author, and she agreed with me that these effects are not limited to children, so I would recommend the book to anyone in a relationship with a person with BPD.
My only wish is that the book could have been organizaed for easy reference in terms of the BP's thoughts, feelings and behaviors and the resulting thoughts, feelings and behaaviors of the non-BP child. I wrote a chart for myself, culling the information from all the different sections, and will put it up on BPDCentral at (www BPDCentral com) for those looking for aan easy chart. A must-have for anyone coping iwth BPD behavior.
Finally, Lawson's type of BPs takes much clinical information and makes it easy to access. Adult children will probably find that their parent leans toward one of the four types, but will probably see elements of the three other types in their parent.
People interested in this book may also be interested in books for those with mothers who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These include TRAPPED IN THE MIROR by Elan Golomb and CHILDREN OF THE SELF-ABSORBED by Nina W. Brown. Other must-have books of interest inclide Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward and Toxic Parents.
Rating: 5
Summary: An extraordinary find for children of Borderline mothers
Comment: First of all, I was impressed that all 18 of the previous reviews gave this book 5 stars.
This book is the only one I've ever seen that specifically addresses the unique challenges and frustrations faced by children raised by mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder, and it couldn't have been any higher quality. It is truly an outstanding book. The author provides information that is well organized, highly comprehensive, practical, and useful.
I am so grateful that this book was written, because as I can attest, children raised by Borderline mothers are in desperate need of support and understanding. They grow up in a world that is contradictory and emotionally confusing. The following thoughts are common among children with borderline mothers:
1. "I never know what to expect."
2. "I don't trust her."
3. "She says it didn't happen."
4. "She makes me feel terrible."
5. "Everyone else thinks she's great."
6. "It's all or nothing."
7. "She's so negative."
8. "She flips out."
9. "Sometimes I can't stand her."
10. "She drives me crazy."
Christine Lawson, PhD explains the origins of BPD, why it is so difficult to treat, and presents 4 distinct profiles of Borderline mothers. She explores these profiles in terms of their dysfunctional patterns and the experiences of the child of that type of mother. She also explores the types of men who marry each of the 4 types of women, and why they often are unable to validate the child's experiences. She thoroughly covers the topic of "splitting," and how/why the Borderline mother considers her child either "all good" or "no good." The last third of the book explores what children of these mothers can do in order to cope with this incurable disorder, particularly methods for setting limits on a Borderline mother's inappropriate behaviors. The parts on setting limits are the best I have ever come across in this type of book. She encourages the child to try to maintain a healthy relationship, but not at the expense of the child's emotional well-being, stating that:
"Sometimes adult children feel so frustrated or endangered in the presence of their [Borderline] mothers that they choose not to have contact at all. No one has the right to pass judgment on such situations. Every human being has the right to protect his or her own life. In some cases, it is in the best interest of both mother and child to disengage completely."
The response I had while reading this book was "Hallelujah!"
P.S.---In addition to this book, I highly recommend the book, "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" by Susan Forward, PhD. While not specifically about BPD, it contains an excellent chapter called "The inner world of the blackmailer" which does a remarkable job describing how people who are emotionally manipulative (like BPD mothers) have usually experienced feelings of great deprivation and insecurity in their childhoods, and how their history produces their current behaviors. It explains why they don't connect their behavior to the negative consequences in their relationships, and why they don't learn from their mistakes. It also offers good suggestions for steps you can take to reduce the impact of this behavior when you are the target.
Rating: 5
Summary: RISE ABOVE YOUR RAISING - MOOD DISORDERS & ANGER
Comment: I strongly recommend this book for anyone seeking to find help with mood disorders, identity issues, self-esteem issues, reoccurring unresolved anger and troubling relationships.
Excellent compliments to this book are: The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders: An Interactive Self-Help Guide by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen; Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy by Karl Heinz Brisch and Kenneth Kronenberg; Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler; The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman; Emotional Blackmail: When People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier; Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown; Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender.
And if you want to pursue the subject even further, you may be interested in reading The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective On Marital Treatment.
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