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Title: Positive Pushing : How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child by Jim Taylor ISBN: 0-7868-8850-4 Publisher: Hyperion Pub. Date: 23 April, 2003 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.87 (23 reviews)
Rating: 4
Summary: Pushing Parents Positively
Comment: As a psychologist who often works with parents, a parent of two school-age children, and a soccer coach, I found this book extremely helpful both personally and in my work. I would happily recommend it to parents without reservation, something I can't say about that many parenting books! It is unusually clear and well-written (something I can't say about the writing of that many psychologists!), relatively jargon-free, and organized well. The ideas are well-integrated with research findings as well as reflecting Dr. Taylor's own considerable clinical experience. His discussion of perfectionism, fear of failure, and defining of success in terms of effort and setting realistic goals were particularly useful and applicable not just to children. This book is bigger than its title in that it also addresses emotional maturity in general, and how to build and foster maturity in our children so that they can be both successful achievers and happier people. The definition of achievement in terms of one's efforts and perseverence in pursuit of personally meaningful goals could make a huge difference in the lives of many adults as well as children. I see too many adults in my practice who were crippled by low self-esteem and grandiose expectations of themselves that I can't help but appreciate this book. I was particularly struck by Dr. Taylor's discussion of the child who is objectively successful but can't appreciate his or her success; this seems a common and heartbreaking problem that does not get enough attention.
If this book has any faults, it is only that in his efforts to be clear and to hold parents accountable, Dr. Taylor does not emphasize other important influences on children's difficulties with achievement such as temperament (some children naturally push themselves harder than others, some are more focused than others, etc.), significant differences in ability, comparing themselves with peers and siblings, and the degree to which the larger school and community culture emphasize competition, etc. Sometimes our job as parents is to temper those other influences, and we can succeed or fail in that capacity as well. Some of the complexity of parent-child dynamics is lost when the emphasis is only on how parents influence their children and not on how different children elicit very different responses around achievement issues, and so present different challenges for parents. Nevertheless, this book makes a valuable contribution to a complex issue that is compelling and often confusing for most parents but is not often discussed so thoughtfully and at such length. In the end, Dr. Taylor manages to "push" (i.e. inspire, encourage, challenge) parents in a positive way to do a better job.
Rating: 5
Summary: Raising a child is part of changing the world.
Comment: This book has the wrong title: Positive Pushing. It is not about "pushing;" it is about encouraging, inspiring and guiding children. Most importantly this is a book that teaches parents how to pay attention, how to respect, and how to respond to their children in ways that will contribute to their becoming satisfied and fulfilled in childhood and beyond.
As a psychotherapist I spend a significant amount of my time helping people to break free from all or none, black and white thinking learned --- you guessed it --- in childhood. Dr. Taylor's emphasis on an expanded definition for success lays a solid foundation for teaching children how to experience themselves outside the box of such limited thinking, setting the stage for us to offer the next generation legitimate alternatives to double-binding, self-defeating concepts of success that have nothing to do with genuine happiness.
Best selling author Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child, Breaking Down the Walls of Silence, etc) reminds us that if we are serious about changing the world, it can only begin with caring for our children. Positive Pushing will help you be a better parent --- definitely. But the book's own potential is bigger than that. Whether or not you have children, I suggest that you read this one.
- Thom Rutledge, author of Embracing Fear (HarperSanFrancisco)
Rating: 5
Summary: Excellent Book on Helping Kids Want to Self-Actualize
Comment: As a father and a coach, I have always been concerned whether ot not I am pushing my kids the correct way in order to reach their potential. This book really sheds light on the fallacies of unconditional love, self-esteem at all costs and the other myths that have been propogated as a backlash to the rigidity of the 1950's. The biggest challenge to pushing kids to maximize their potential is knowing where to "draw the line" with yourself. Dr. Taylor does an excellent job at showing you where to draw that line. He also makes an excellent point that in order to propel your kids in the right direction, you yourself need to be going in the right direction. If you are a head case, you can reasonably expect your kid to be a head case. Thank you Dr. Taylor.
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Title: The Successful Child: What Parents Can Do to Help Kids Turn Out Well by Martha Sears, William Sears, Elizabeth Pantley ISBN: 0316777498 Publisher: Little, Brown Pub. Date: 27 March, 2002 List Price(USD): $16.95 |
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Title: Laying Down the Law : The 25 Laws of Parenting to Keep Your Kids on Track, Out of Trouble, and (Pretty Much) Under Control by Ruth Peters ISBN: 1579547737 Publisher: Rodale Books Pub. Date: 13 September, 2003 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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Title: Too Much of a Good Thing : Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age by Daniel J. Kindlon ISBN: 0786886242 Publisher: Miramax Pub. Date: 08 January, 2003 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
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Title: Don't Be Afraid to Discipline by Ruth Peters ISBN: 1582380252 Publisher: Golden Books Pub. Date: 01 February, 1999 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: Respect: An Exploration by Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot ISBN: 0738203181 Publisher: Perseus Publishing Pub. Date: May, 2000 List Price(USD): $17.50 |
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