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Title: If It Hurts, It Isn't Love: And 365 Other Principles to Heal and Transform Your Relationships by Chuck Spezzano Ph.D., Robert Holden ISBN: 1-56924-634-3 Publisher: Marlowe & Company Pub. Date: May, 2000 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $15.95

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Average Customer Rating: 4.2 (5 reviews)

Rating: 5
Summary: Deep wisdom and advice on relationships and life
Comment: Chuck Spezzano has packed a tremendous number of inspired and practical insights into this book. There are so many psychological perspectives on relationships and life in general that I suspect everyone can find something here to inspire them. The layout of 366 statements with corresponding explanations and exercises is accessible and easy to dip into for a spot of inspiration or guidance now and again.

"A Course In Miracles" is acknowledged as a major influence by the author and many of his ideas have that flavour about them. As someone who struggled with A.C.I.M. I am always grateful to come across similar profound wisdom in a more digestible form. Thank you Chuck!

Some examples... "Intimacy can heal anything", "Forgiveness changes perception", "Every fantasy is an expectation", "A bad feeling is released by true giving", "Everyone's actions reflect my choices", "The ultimate goal is total dependence on the universe", "I can be in heaven with every person I meet", "Commitment means being true to myself", "Every expectation is a fear of the future". Each idea is practically explained and developed with a corresponding exercise. Well worth the effort and self-reflection, even if you don't agree with all of it. Excellent.

Rating: 1
Summary: Not the book I thought it would be
Comment: In reading the title, I thought this would be a great book to help me with those Red Flags we all see in our relationships with our partner, but somehow believe we can over come due to our tremendous power to love. Yes, Virginia, for I to, Love & Do Too Much.

When I opened this book, I was shocked to see concepts relating to: when faced with an unbearable action by loved one, go deeper. Show more love, give more! I personally can't give any more, do any more, be any more than I am or ever will be!!

I was hoping to see some helpful hints liken to the title (You know, if this hurts you - it isn't love baby). Say, "he's verbally abused you, yet again, in front of friends or tells you're stupid, worthless, etc." - I'd think the correct response is A. Walk Away (right Chuck?)

I've just ended (for good) a 5 year abusive relationship. I'm glad I did it before I saw this book.

Chuck, Change the title - what a misnomer!

Rating: 5
Summary: Clear spiritual direction -- but keeps it simple!
Comment: I am getting more and more weary of self-help "feel good" books, and I must admit that I have read probably over 1000 books of this genre over the past 15 years. It takes an exceptional "self-help" book to grab my attention these days. This is one such book. I recommend this to all Amazon customers, particuarly (though certainly not exclusively) to fans of A Course in Miracles.

This book addresses short topics very clearly and then follows each topic/lesson up with equally brief exercises for the reader. Each topic and corresponding exercise only a page long, oftentimes just half a page long. Sample topics are: "The Extent of My Expectation is the Degree of My Stress," "Pain is an Areaa Where I have Cut the Lines of Relatedness," "If I am Exhausted, I am Playing a Role," or "The Need to Dominate Comes from Fear," and so on. It's sort of like reading a daily meditation book, but it isn't categorized by chronological dates. I like that. It allows for synchronicity.

Another thing I like is that each lesson or meditation is followed by an exercise or question directed to the reader and his or her life. (One example: Under the topic, "If I Give Up Being Right, I Will Be Happy," the assignment is to write down the areas where you are stuck and not receiving in your life and then to write down all the ways you are being right about this situation.) The question format helps because it turns a quick topic into an experiential lesson.

I think this simple little book might be as helpful for some readers as therapy -- and far less costly. It opens a door to your inner workings and, by doing so, hands you back your power. Highly recommended.

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