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Title: Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours by Daphne Rose Kingma ISBN: 1-57324-177-6 Publisher: Conari Press Pub. Date: 01 February, 2000 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.12 (26 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: This Book Spoke Right To Me
Comment: I've been in the middle of a disintegrating marriage for years, which has only recently come to a head in the form of a nasty divorce. When this book was recommended to me, I was a bit skeptical--I couldn't imagine what the author could say that i hadn't already figured for myself. But it was something more, something different. The book helped me to understand better how my husband and I had been coming part for so long, and it also showed me that I'm nowhere near alone. I should point out though that this book does not hold back for the benefit of the emotionally weak. I read it in the mindframe that my relationship was over, so maybe some of the brutal truths seemed a little less brutal as I'd already lived them. Overall, I'd say this is recommended reading for anyone in any kind of intimate relationship--its toughness is just an accurate mirror of reality.
Rating: 5
Summary: Add this to your survival kit for breakups
Comment: A friend recommended I read this while going through a breakup last year. He recommended I read the last chapter first, and then read the rest of the book, especially since I was regretting my decision to break off the relationship. The last chapter helped me realize that the relationship was not worth preserving, and then helped me identify the natural phases of mourning the end of that relationship. This book helped me get through the pain, but also see the growth potential through the whole experience. Now, a year later, I'm in a healthy relationship that is fulfilling -- basically everything my past relationship wasn't.
I passed this book onto another friend who is going through a tough breakup, and plan to order it for yet another friend. Everyone who is going through a breakup needs a box of tissue, a couple cartons of Ben and Jerry's, Alanis Morriset's "Jaged Little Pill" CD, a good friend who will listen to you, and this book.
Rating: 5
Summary: Prerequisite reading for *beginning* a relationship!
Comment: I think each new relationship would benefit so much if all parties were to read this before going IN! Kingma challenges us to look at the myth that relationships "should last forever" --and consequently why our self-esteem takes such a beating when they actually don't! (Surprise!) Her basic premise is that relationships are a series of processes by which we complete developmental tasks in our life journey of self-discovery/creation. Case studies illustrate how this plays out in the various ways.
From reading this book, I gained much comfort and understanding about my present-coming-apart-relationship. Although I initiated it, I was feeling much pain. The clarity that I gained--about why we choose the partners we do--helped to stop the angst. Such gems of simple yet profound wisdom: "Love...does not conquer all. Real love, enduring love...is the quiet recognition and ongoing appreciation of another person, the experience of continually sharing what is important to you."
The chapters on pampering yourself, and the rituals for completion are absolutely valuable!
I feel heartened and strengthened by her words in the chapter "Is there Love After Love?": "Eventually we all get to the place where--except for fine-tunings and refinements-we have learned pretty much who we are. We have sorted out our preferences from the vast number of possibilities we all have as human beings, and we know what we want to spend our lives doing..."
"...You will love and have a happy life with the person whose looks, nature, habits, preferences, values and priorities call forth the truest expression of yourself, the person who invites you to blossom and grow."
This book is kind of a condensed version of the "Future of Love" which I also highly recommend. (I bought several copies of each of these to share with friends.)
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Title: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-By-Step Guide to Helping You Decide Whether to Stay in or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum ISBN: 0452275350 Publisher: Plume Books Pub. Date: 01 July, 1997 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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Title: Finding True Love: The 4 Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life by Daphne Rose Kingma ISBN: 157324564X Publisher: Conari Press Pub. Date: 15 August, 2001 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan ISBN: 0679730028 Publisher: Vintage Books USA Pub. Date: 01 August, 1990 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
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Title: Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends (3rd Edition) by Bruce Fisher, Robert E. Alberti ISBN: 188623017X Publisher: Impact Publishers Pub. Date: 08 November, 1999 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: The Future of Love: The Power of the Soul in Intimate Relationships by Daphne Rose Kingma ISBN: 0385490844 Publisher: Main Street Books Pub. Date: 01 January, 1999 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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