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Title: Outwitting Neighbors: A Practical and Entertaining Guide to Achieving Peaceful Coexistence with the People Next Door by Bill Adler Jr. ISBN: 1-58574-161-2 Publisher: The Lyons Press Pub. Date: 01 August, 2000 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 3 (5 reviews)
Rating: 4
Summary: better than average, but message is between the lines
Comment: I got this book as a gag gift, but once I read it, it did help me learn to find common ground with bad neighbors, and accept that many times the devil you know (and can endure/work with) is better than the devil you don't know. I agree with other reviewers, who note that most of the book is comprised of horror stories designed for reader support and sympathy.
However, the examples add up to a powerful and useful message: (1) When trying to resolve neighbor problems, the fastest way to make an *enemy* is to indicate that you know better than they how to run their lives. (2) The fastest way to get results is to accept the neighbors for who they are, and then explain to them how their behavior (or their kids/pets/etc.) will lead to a behavior of your own.
My own story: One of my neighbors has a dog (a big adult Weimaraner) who was allowed to run unleashed in a shared apartment-building yard space, which literally is in violation of the lease. And when I would park my car or use my garage, the dog would charge me, and once came very close to taking a chunk out of my leg. Now, I could have yelled, or beaten the dog with a tire iron, but that would of course have made an enemy of the neighbors, who otherwise are very nice people. Even worse, it wouldn't really solve the problem, which is bad pet ownership and training!
So, after consulting Adler's book, I left a note for the neighbors (copied to our landlord) which indicated that I respected their decisions on how to train their dog, but that I would have Mace in my pocket at all times. So, the next time that their unleashed dog (or any others) attacked, I would have to disable the dog but leave no permanent harm. After all, the dog is just being protective, however misguided the effort. Well, lo and behold, the next day the neighbors came by with an apology, *and* a plate of cholocate chip cookies (this is absolutely true) for me, as a peace offering, and they always leash their dog now. Better still, I got to meet the dog about 2 months later, and now he treats me like a friend---one more watchdog who watches out for the right people!
Anyway, Adler's book was the key for me to understand neighbor psychology: communicate your respect for them and their ways, but also communicate in a non-threatening way what may happen if you feel you are in danger or are being harmed by their actions. And, I must say, the horror stories made me feel much less alone, and also grateful that I don't have worse problems than decent neighbors who bake cookies!
Rating: 1
Summary: A Total Waste of Money
Comment: There is absolutely nothing in this book about "outwitting your neighbor". It's a collection of horror stories about how bad neighbor disputes can get and suggestions about making nice-nice with the people who are making your life a living hell. It left me feeling more hopeless and depressed about our situation than when I started reading it.
One of the lame-o quotes in the book implies to just wait the situation out, everything changes, dogs die, kids grow up, people move. The truth though is life's short. The years fly by. People should not be able to intentionally make other people miserable for even one day. Local governments should inact tough laws and enforce them zealously.
I think people who buy a book with a title like this have serious problems. They've surely already tried to talk it out peacefully, make ammends, even called the police, mayor and city council to no avail. They are looking for hope, helpful suggestions and effective strategies. This book offers none of the above.
The author should have called his book what my problem neighbor has shouted at me many times: "If you don't like it, just move!"
Rating: 1
Summary: not great
Comment: Mostly a collection of bad neighbor stories. The solutions offered are pretty much common sense: "Build a fence" or "bring some home made cookies". There's a section on how to inflict revenge on you neighbor...that's pretty interesting.
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Title: Neighbor Vs. Neighbor: Over 400 Informative and Outrageous Cases of Neighbor Disputes by Mark Warda, Marlene M. Coleman, Judge William H. Huss ISBN: 1572480890 Publisher: Sourcebooks Trade Pub. Date: July, 1999 List Price(USD): $16.95 |
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Title: Dog Law (4th National Edition) by Mary Randolph ISBN: 0873376161 Publisher: Nolo Press Pub. Date: December, 2001 List Price(USD): $21.95 |
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Title: Be Reasonable! How Community Associations Can Enforce Rules Without Antagonizing Residents, Going to Court, or Starting World War III by Kenneth Budd ISBN: 0941301400 Publisher: Community Associations Institute Pub. Date: June, 1998 List Price(USD): $22.00 |
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Title: Guilt by Association: A Survival Guide for Homeowners, Board Members and Property Managers by Jordan I. Shifrin ISBN: 0595198120 Publisher: Writers Club Press Pub. Date: October, 2001 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
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Title: Outwitting the Neighbors by Bill Jr. Adler ISBN: 0671870769 Publisher: Fireside Pub. Date: December, 1994 List Price(USD): $15.00 |
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